stillness and such

I’ve been trying to get my head organised this week. Last night, when I slept, I could hear it beating against my pillow.

I’ve spent ten hours editing photos today. My bum hurts from sitting so much. I ate an ice cream sandwich, and two eggs. I haven’t been to the gym since Monday. I can tell. I’m exhausted. The only time I’m not exhausted is when I’m hitting the treadmill or the free weights every day. I wish someone would have told me ten years ago that the way to be more energetic is to be more energetic.

I was suppose to go to the Theatre tonight. But musicals and migraines don’t mix so well. I know because I once wore one through Les Mis. Glutton. Punishment.

I need to compartmentalise. I take on jobs that are too huge. Get overwhelmed by them and verge on panic when I can’t get through them soon enough. The key, or so I’m told, is to do one small task at a time. Feel good about yourself. Enjoy the calm. And then do another. Apparently you get there just as soon. Just not all frazzled and fried.

I miss being able to go to church when no one’s there. I understand ‘community’ but I don’t dig the politics. I understand my grandfather. Sometimes, I can handle a good sermon. Sometimes, I just want to be still. And it’s really hard to do that when a place is swarming with parishioners.

St. Paul Outside the Walls. At night. When the tourists have died down. Now there’s a place to be still.