fruits and vegetables and nuts

I run into them a lot. On the bus. By the library. In the pub. You know the type. People with no internal dialogue. The ones full of a primal urge to be overheard – because why else would they be so bleedin loud.

Yesterday it was a rather round brunette. She said she wanted gastric bypass surgery. “Just a band.” A friend asked why she didn’t use her treadmill instead. “Because. I need something that works.”

I wanted to smack her. Or smack myself. Like in those V8 commercials – “I should have had a V8.” Smack! – But I didn’t.

I just stared.