on breasts and foreheads. mostly foreheads.


I use to weigh my head. On a scale. Ask my sister. She’d weigh her boobs. They were the biggest things about us. My forehead, her breasts.

In high school she earned a full wardrobe with hers – boys bought her things just so they could stare at ‘them’. You know they did! I earned a scholarship with mine. Things evened out in the end – she ended up getting the same scholarship and I ended up walking away with half her clothes.

These days we’re equally self conscious. She doesn’t like the attention perky ‘D’s on a 24 inch waist brings. Whatever. I don’t like feeling like I should have a news ticker running across my forehead. That it should be used for advertising space…or something.


In lieu of my sister’s cleaverage (It’s what we call it. Ok.)
My forehead.


Buffy's Forehead

Anyway…I felt a little better yesterday when I sat down to read the “Harvard Mental Health Letter”. There was an article on Alzheimer’s noting how higher levels of education and professional careers delayed the onset of dementia. The damage, the article said, may still be there. But often ‘patients’ in the above categories did not exhibit symptoms and led perfectly normal lives; most were unaware they even had the disease. The study also noted that those with larger heads were less likely to develop dementia because, and this is a near direct quote: “Larger heads mean larger brains.”

Ahhh….Vindication at last. Now, if I could just go back in time, and counter all those fat head jokes.

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23 Comments

  • kenju
    Feb 20, 2007 at 3:38

    I have a high forehead too, and I have almost always worn bangs to counteract it.

  • Buffy
    Feb 20, 2007 at 3:46

    I have a cowlick (notice). Fringe parts like the red sea on my head. I’ve tried it. Many times. Never turns out well. But I’m still suckered into doing it …every now and again …when I read a glossy mag about how it helps offset high foreheads. I remember, soon enough, my lick.

  • Junebugg
    Feb 20, 2007 at 10:22

    Damn, and all of big boobied women just get back strain and stretch marks. ‘Taint fair I tell ‘ya!

  • michelle
    Feb 20, 2007 at 10:46

    i have both. 34d and a forehead you could land a plane on! i have had bangs (i like “fringe” better, sounds more fancy) for as long as i can remember to try to hide my big charlie brown head … honestly, i tried on the cutest hat yesterday and it just sat perched on my head. but hey, big brain and big boobs … i should be ruling the world by now! 😉

  • Buffy
    Feb 20, 2007 at 11:08

    Michelle, dude, I feel your hat pain. When I graduated from Kindergarten they had to have a special hat made for me. When I was in college I use to hang out with some ‘feds’ at the shooting range (had to. part of course) Once, when I went to put the safety ear muffs on…they snapped. I have one Philip Treacy hat that looks ok on me. Other than that, forget it. Shame really. ‘Cause I do like hats.

    p.s.
    Why aren’t you ruling the world?

  • Bre
    Feb 20, 2007 at 15:25

    I myself was cursed with both a five-head (four is too small a number to describe it) and cleaverage so impressive that I got it chopped down to size and it still gets more attention than needed. I wonder if they cancel one another out…

  • EM
    Feb 20, 2007 at 16:59

    You all think you got it bad…
    BIG forehead – check
    BIG boobs – check
    BIG GIANT SIZE 11 FEET – check

    Hey at least I’m well balanced! Of course I have no ass though… LOL

  • Buffy
    Feb 20, 2007 at 17:38

    I have such intelligent readers. 🙂

  • terry
    Feb 20, 2007 at 20:38

    I,m bald once on holiday in tunisia a french lady we met covered my head in coloured drawings of flowers while I was asleep on the beach. nice eyes buffy.

  • Buffy
    Feb 20, 2007 at 23:22

    Uh, yeah, Terry…so far no one’s tried to write on my head. So, you’ve got me beat.

  • David
    Feb 21, 2007 at 4:46

    LOL…how did you measure your head? Just…lay on the floor and use the scale as a pillow? LOL…genius! And you’re so lucky you didnt go to my high school, as a freshman. The seniors tagged the freshman by writing on them with marker and no offense, but your forehead would’ve been the most sought-out target. But that’s ok…that whole “less likely to develop dementia” would’ve been a total thing to look foward to when you were living with those same seniors in a senior retirement center. God, now I wanna go weigh my head…

  • Buffy
    Feb 21, 2007 at 12:07

    David…good to see you around! And that’s exactly how I did it. Although I always added a few ounces becuse, well, it was always gonna be supported by the neck and I figured that made it appear to weigh less than it actually did. My sister had a much easier time of it. She just sat the scales on the table and ‘lifed and lay’. Uhm. Yes. She’s so gonna kill me.

    I started attending classes at the high school not the high school itself…just took some classes in the building…when I was in 4th grade. So I guess by the time freshman year rolled around they were use to seeing the big headed child.

  • Katherine
    Feb 22, 2007 at 13:44

    Crap, I’m the owner of a pea-size head. I have to buy my baseball caps at Baby Gap, no lie. Must find some exercises to do to increase the size of my head!

  • Colleen
    Feb 22, 2007 at 14:12

    Foreheads – now never really thought much of them except when it comes to wearing a baseball cap and that’s when I know the cap goes down just a fraction too low for comfort. So sometimes I prefer squinting to shading my eyes – must wear sunglasses and look the ‘cool’ part.

  • christine
    Feb 22, 2007 at 15:26

    i liked this entry a lot. i don’t know why. maybe because it comes off as casual, but it’s really a sentimental kind of thing. nice piece of writing is what i’m trying to say.

  • Antonio
    Feb 22, 2007 at 19:22

    Your forehead isn’t bad at all! and, as you said, there are good medical things about it 🙂

    I’ve added a link to your site, I love the way you write, original and funny. Take care!

    Tony
    http://yorkboyscout.wordpress.com

  • Jay
    Feb 23, 2007 at 2:57

    Jason puts your small forehead to shame – and to make matters worse, I think his hairline is receding, which means more forehead every minute!

  • Exotic
    Feb 23, 2007 at 3:11

    hilarious 🙂

  • christina
    Feb 23, 2007 at 7:51

    I think that is so funny. Adorably funny.

  • Nancy
    Mar 2, 2007 at 3:30

    I’ve got small-head-on-tall-stick syndrome. MY childhood nickname – Olive Oyl – is far too obvious. Add to it teensy asian eyes, and too much cheekbone, and I’m just an oddity, I tell you.

    Oh, and irish ears that stick straight out. Can’t forget those. Oy vey.

    Doing crossword puzzles and sudoku ’til I die, though, to thwart the alz my tiny pea-brain is headed straight towards. gah!

  • FiLtH
    May 9, 2007 at 22:35

    oh bb, I LOVE girls with a big forehead…
    im’ not jocking about it…

    it’s true

    i love ur forehead…

    you have not to be ashamed….

    i ‘ll be very happy if i have a girlfirend like you, with a big and pretty forehead.

    I think that is very sexy…

    ^^

    +Leo Filth+

    From Chile.

  • mememe
    Jul 6, 2009 at 12:19

    i have a huge forhead but it dosent stop boys looking at me, ive got a big fringe to cover it up so you hardly notice, who cares it dont matter 🙂

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