friday morning

I hit the shower. The cold usually shakes the fog that comes with late nights and early mornings. It didn’t. I could feel my hand tingling. My little alarm that lets me know ‘it’s time’ and ‘take it easy’.

I leaned my head against the door and then thought ‘Crap! You crazy woman, get out before you pass out…and drown.’ I’ve never heard of anyone drowning in the shower. But I imagine it’s been done.

I always do the same thing. Lay down on the floor. Hold my forehead. Take my top off. And whimper. Sounds bizarre, but if it gets to the laying down stage my head is about to explode and I’m sweating like a boxer. And whimpering always makes me feel better. It’s like meditation. Ask my sister. We use to share a room and whenever I was upset, or unwell….she heard about it. All night.

I’ve read a lot about conversion disorders and I can totally see my brain falling for something like that. But most likely it’s the 105degree temperature I had as a child. I don’t remember being sick. Just being packed in ice and wondering why my mother was trying to kill me with cold. I had scarlet fever twice, but they say that is neither here nor there. And I poisoned myself a few times. I liked to drink Chanel…

Whatever the reason, some days I have days like today. They’re not pleasant. But they pass.