american psycho


I wake up at 3am. My head hurts and I can’t sleep. I watch Tony Robbins sell confidence on the telly. The sun’s out by 5. Back in by 7. It’s gonna pour.

I’m on my way to work and notice I have on two different socks. Why am I wearing socks? I spend the day at my desk. For lunch I have three bananas and a cup of hot water. Because it’s there.

At 4 I notice my sweater is on backward. I right it at my desk. The Fedex man stares. I don’t care.

I leave work at 5. Trip over my own left foot three times. A chav shoves me at the station. “Sorry Love.” Blows smoke in my face. “Places to be.” I want something hard and flat and painful to hit him with. I feel like a Bret Easton Ellis novel.

An hour later I’m tired and anxious. I can’t wait to get home. Veg out over Cartman and Chianti. I say it out loud when I think it. “Ke-ANN-ti”. Like Lector. Just before he sautes Liotta’s lobes.

Cartoons always make me feel better. Fat kids and cheezy puffs.

I’m not answering the phone tonight.

It’s been one of those weeks…and I don’t know why.

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22 Comments

  • Dawn (webmiztris)
    May 18, 2006 at 19:08

    south park makes me happy too. and beer. 🙂

  • Bre
    May 18, 2006 at 19:41

    For me it’s indulgent reality TV and Jameson on the rocks… yes that sounds lovely right now

  • anne
    May 18, 2006 at 20:09

    Sorry you are having such a yucky week. I completely will sympathize with you! And wine sounds lovely. And more chocolate. And maybe just to be able to knock someone else over the head. Just because.

    *hugs*

  • Oob
    May 18, 2006 at 22:29

    I *hate* dumb days. And dumb weeks. That is what I call those times that are exactly that. Nothing goes right, and you wonder what the hell is wrong with you, and everyone else for that matter! I can empathize.

  • Jay
    May 19, 2006 at 10:52

    Well, that’s a crapfest for you. Sorry, kiddo. It’s been rainy here all week, and I’ve been bloaty and cranky.Perhaps the sun will shine for all of us today.

  • Neil
    May 19, 2006 at 13:16

    I always wear different socks. It reminds me that there are always two sides to every story.

  • bornfool
    May 19, 2006 at 15:48

    I love Cartman and his cheesy poofs.

  • Pomme
    May 19, 2006 at 15:51

    9 out of 10 doctors recommend cheese puffs for taking care of random jitters. 😉

  • Melissa
    May 19, 2006 at 19:30

    I love cheesy puffs. And wine. But THREE bananas for lunch? Dang, girl! You got the runs or sumpin’?

  • Bonnie
    May 19, 2006 at 20:16

    I feel this way once a month. The cure is massive quantities of chocolate… and I tell you this as a woman who has tried EVERYTHING.

  • LisaBinDaCity
    May 19, 2006 at 20:29

    I know JUST how you feel!

    Lifetime “We will overcome our bad: man/job/jail sentence” movies, and potato chips always make me feel better. Or I am too numb to care afterwards 😉

  • marissa
    May 20, 2006 at 4:48

    I had one of those weeks as well and sometimes all you need is a little South Park to soothe your soul. I hope next week is better for you.

  • Dawn/Angel
    May 20, 2006 at 12:54

    It has rained everyday except two of the last 16 days. It’s like being in England without Proper Guinness and Chips. Therefore I am not amused or soothed.

    BBL must go wine shopping and watch Breakfast at Tiffannys again!

  • Berry
    May 21, 2006 at 2:32

    Thanks for swinging through and commenting. this week has been kind of yucky on this end as well…and it is my birthday week. Next time you visit hopefully I will have something more uplifted posted. LOL

  • hattigrace
    May 21, 2006 at 4:14

    Dang, I HATE those weeks. Sorry you are going through one. Yet, no one writes about them as well as you.

  • kerri anne
    May 22, 2006 at 3:26

    Sending you feel better, perky smooches from here, babe.

  • Liz
    May 22, 2006 at 20:44

    it’s cheesy poofs, not cheesy puffs. Sorry, I just had to clarify.

    I have weeks like that every week.

  • Lynn
    May 23, 2006 at 0:29

    Well, I guess: when in a Bret Easton Ellis novel do as a Bret Easton Ellis protagonist will do. Pass the coke or clonopin.

  • carmen
    May 23, 2006 at 11:57

    Ha. The FedEx man noticed your shirt was on backwards? I find that men don’t notice much of anything, so maybe he was just noticing you. 🙂

  • Jodi
    Jun 1, 2006 at 19:21

    this must have been the week it rained 9 days straight here in the states (cleveland) as well. it was bloody awful (i wish i were in england to make that statement sound better!)
    my indulgences are old sitcoms and a bit of herbs in a pipe…what do they call those in england?

  • InterstellarLass
    Jun 14, 2006 at 20:44

    I end up talking to myself when I drink too. Except it’s never Chianti. Shiner said in all manner of tones and accents.

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