grandmas say the darndest things

I’m on the phone with my grandmother. She’s turning sixty-something this week and I called to tell her how young and fabulous she was.

But she knows this already.

Conversation then turns to food (because why wouldn’t it) and she starts in about breakfast and lunch and what she’s gonna have for dinner. I tune out, like you do. Start rearranging my wardrobe, thinking about self tanners and looking for last year’s pumps when I hear her say this:

“You know, I’m not trying to scare you, but it might be dangerous for you to have kids at your age.”

I lay down the shoes and reach for a bottle of red.

I’m only 29.

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  • Bonnie
    May 1, 2006 at 16:22


    Thanks, Grandma! Got to go and reproduce, now!

  • landismom
    May 1, 2006 at 16:26

    Sheesh, what’s next, “if only I could hold my great-grandchildren before I die…”?

  • Sweety
    May 1, 2006 at 16:54

    Ha! That’s really funny.

    I wish I still had a grandma though.

  • Battlerocker
    May 1, 2006 at 17:51

    Very funny. 🙂

  • Stacy
    May 1, 2006 at 18:00

    Ouch. Family…can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em. Thanks for stopping by today! 🙂

  • kerri anne
    May 1, 2006 at 18:32

    Yeah, you best pack it in and head for the hills old lady. ; )

    29 is the perfect age for babies! Or so is 30 or 31 or 32! :

  • Ken
    May 1, 2006 at 19:08

    She wants one so bad tell her to go and have one!

  • Buffy
    May 1, 2006 at 19:13

    See. Here’s the thing. She doesn’t think I can handle kids. And keeps coming up with new and improved ideas on why I shouldn’t have them. The scare tactic is the latest.

  • windblownbutterfly
    May 1, 2006 at 19:20

    Wow… I have a 9 month old baby, I’ll be 38 years old in a couple months. I may even decide to have one more before I’m forty…maybe. I had my first baby at 24 and I can honestly say from experience, I am so much more well prepared and better at being a mom now than I ever was then. So don’t worry, grandma probably means well, but you’ve got a LONG time left to think about having kids of your own. 🙂

  • windblownbutterfly
    May 1, 2006 at 19:25

    Scare tactics huh, grandma went in a different direction than what I assumed she was thinking. My previous comment still works though, the older you are, the better you will be at handling children (to an extent). The most important question is, do you even want to have kids of your own?

  • allison
    May 1, 2006 at 19:59

    Aw, crap. Screw the red, I just uncapped the vodka.

  • anne
    May 1, 2006 at 20:02

    Wow!! I also think 29-30 is a great age for having kids…course, that’s because I myself am not ready to start having them yet. And I know so many people who didn’t start until then.


    Hey, thanks for visiting by the way! 🙂

  • Joan
    May 1, 2006 at 23:02

    thanks for coming by my blog! I am glad to have discovered yours. Oh my goodness, your grandma is apparently about my age! Do I feel old or what? I would never suggest that 29 is too old to have babies – my daughter didn’t get married until she was 30 and she has 3 wonderful, healthy children.

  • Carrie
    May 2, 2006 at 1:45

    I think some people are just genetically disposed to dish out comments regarding fertility once they reach the age of 50. I know this, because my ENTIRE FAMILY has opinions on the reproductive patterns of my marriage. Shit… they had them before I even MET my husband…

    anyways.. pass me a glass of wine. Red you said, right?

  • hattigrace
    May 2, 2006 at 3:26

    Hey, my mom was 35 when she had me and look how stable I am!!!! Fear is a lying counselor.

  • Elizabeth
    May 2, 2006 at 5:19

    Makes me miss my grandmother. After I found out I was pregnant, it quickly became evident that my fiance and I weren’t going to marry after all. Everyone around me went…well…nuts – except for my grandmother. She was a sea of calm amidst a perfect storm. When I was 8 months along and big as a whale, she came to me and told me not to listen to anyone because she thought it was wonderful that I could have a baby all by myself.

    I wish my grandmother was here to see how wonderful her grandson turned out.

  • Ardice
    May 2, 2006 at 10:24

    Aren’t grandma’s wonderful? *hehehe* Gotta love them. Thanks for the visit. Have a wonderful day…

  • Kristen
    May 2, 2006 at 15:03

    Hahaha! I also think part of the grandma logic has to do the prevailing attitude about the proper baby-making age when they were having kids (i.e., by 25 they’d had at least one or two…).

  • David
    May 2, 2006 at 19:20

    So what…you’re passed your prime or something? Wasnt there like a lady in her 60s who gave birth to twins or something, lately? True, it may be harder on your body if you try having kids at an older age, but it’s your body…dont let anyone tell you how to use it. Plus, since you so dont look 29, I think you can kids later on in life and not look like a grandma.

  • mamakraft
    May 2, 2006 at 21:42

    I have to agree with windblownbutterfly, I am 37 and have a 1yr old (plus 4, 9 & 13) … I got better at parenting with age .. but grandparents are funny .. my grandma told me I was to selfish to have kids, I found out later, she just didn’t want to be called greatgranny .. hmmmm

  • Ann Marie Simard
    May 2, 2006 at 22:30

    Hi Buffy and thanks for commenting… this was fun! I linked to you from my new pic gallery too because the world needs Buffy! I am 34 and into red for any reason… yeah the jaded writer – artist… sure… love your new photo on Blogger….

    Take care! You’re the creative one here!

    Ann Marie

  • Amy
    May 3, 2006 at 1:58

    ha! On my 21st bday, my grandma called to “congratulate” me on being an old maid — so I feel your pain. (I’m 29, and as yet, unmarried & childless)

    It is funny, though — and it’s good to have grandmas! Just so there’s an excuse for a little more wine.

  • Bernita
    May 3, 2006 at 11:40

    A polite “phooey” to grandma.

  • LisaBinDaCity
    May 3, 2006 at 12:22

    I think at that point I would have drunk the whole bottle.

  • bornfool
    May 3, 2006 at 15:47

    Grandma’s right. Having kids at any age is dangerous. Especially when they become teenagers. That’s when what was left of my sanity slipped away.

  • Genuine
    May 3, 2006 at 17:51

    Of course you know she is right…..but I think you are way too young! At 29 it was dangerous for me to hold firearms.

  • b.A.Carter
    May 3, 2006 at 18:06

    HA! My girlfriend just turned 40 and getting married. She said to remind her daily that she does NOT want children. I told her today that Jake (2) took all the toys he could find with batteries in them and threw them in his kiddie pool. She said “Thanks for the reminder!”

  • JJ
    May 3, 2006 at 21:13

    That was hilarious! (I was preggo with my 3rd & final child at 29! Um…YIKES!!! WTF was I thinking???) 29…you’ve got nothing to worry about! LOL

  • mrsmogul
    May 3, 2006 at 22:23

    When I was 31, my mom and I were at a the table…people came over to greet us, my mom announced, “This is my daughter, she’s an old maid!”

  • Shane Melton
    May 4, 2006 at 3:57

    Wow. Isn’t it interesting the double standard that has emerged where men have children until they are old and no one bats an eye, but if a woman doesn’t have children by the age of 25 they are almost branded for it.

  • Furtheron
    May 4, 2006 at 12:23

    As ever I missed the point – I’m still wrapped up in the discussion of meals. By the way have I had my breakfast yet?……

  • Marie
    May 4, 2006 at 12:59

    I think I’d have to take those pumps you were looking for & tell Gram (politely, of course – respect for elders and all) to SHOVE EM!

    I had my baby at 38. We all seem to be doing just fine!

  • Liz
    May 4, 2006 at 18:15

    Your grandma is 66 years old? Wow you have a young granny! I only have one granny left and she barely speaks English. I used to tune out my other grandma all the time until she died. I think we all do.

  • Tillerman
    May 4, 2006 at 21:34

    Granny’s right. My wife had our first son when she was almost 29 and the doctor classified her as an “older” mother.

  • Jessica
    May 6, 2006 at 0:52

    wow, your grandma and mine must get together to talk these things over!

  • Marv
    May 6, 2006 at 4:37

    grandma is hilarious!! LOL! I’m adding you to my list if you dont mind. Love the layout of your blog as well!!

  • tracie b
    May 9, 2006 at 10:02

    yes it is dangerous–you’re too damn young!

  • expatraveler
    May 9, 2006 at 18:03

    My parents don’t say but they think why don’t you have kids now! And I’m only 30!