scary…in a good way


The Grudge. It’s that movie. You know the one. Sarah Michelle Gellar gets scared in Japan.

Those Japanese directors really get it. They know there’s one thing scarier than the run and get killed, my pretty that we have in the west.

Kids.

Kids are scary as hell. That Ring movie – stupid. Still, I couldn’t look at television static-snow for a year without getting a tick and feeling faint. Same thing with the Grudge. I don’t even remember what the story was about. All I remember is that little boy and how I had to watch the rest of the movie through a thick-bottomed tumbler of scotch because it made things just blurry enough to keep the edge off.

Subconsciously, people are afraid of kids. I’m convinced. That’s why all those Japanese films work so well. It’s why Linda Blair was 13 instead of 35.

Kids have always freaked me out.

Lately, it’s a different kind of freaky.

Like this.

Gabby. She’s four and from Virginia. She speaks with an almost-English accent and has been known to discuss Condoleeza Rice and whether her transition from National Security Advisor to Secretary of State was a good one. At a recent birthday party she requested an armadillo, please from the balloon clown. She once told her mother “You’re going to have to do something about the giant baby; the child is getting out of control.” (Giant Baby was younger sister who occasionally dumped spaghetti on her head and dive bombed, head first, from atop how’d-she-get-up-there- high pieces of furniture.)

Gabby scares me. Partly because you just know a kid who talks like that and makes sense can scan your brain with her eyeballs. Mostly….she scares me…..because I kinda think I want one like her. I’ve got the brood. (See: Disposed to sit on eggs to hatch them.)

Oh Lordy. Pass the scotch.

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26 Comments

  • Faith Bicknell-Brown
    Feb 25, 2006 at 22:25

    Thank you so much for visiting!

    I agree about The Grudge and The Ring. The Ring ended some stupidly, but I couldn’t switch the channel or walk away from the TV!

  • jason evans
    Feb 25, 2006 at 22:36

    In stories and movies, child ghosts are terribly unnerving. (Thinking of the Grady Girls in The Shining: “Come play with us, Daaaanny.) I also find infant graves disturbing. I wonder if it’s because children are unformed, capable of anything.

  • Katrina
    Feb 26, 2006 at 7:36

    My daughter is scary, too, but in a different way. For example, if she doesn’t like something I’m saying (like “no”), she has the uncanny ability to simply not hear me. Sometimes she even convinces me that I’m the one who’s going crazy, and I end up sitting huddled in the bathtub, mumbling to myself and trying to ascertain that I actually do exist.

  • Morris
    Feb 26, 2006 at 16:25

    I want a kid just like you!

    Mr. Morris
    Ask Morris

  • m.g.tarquini
    Feb 27, 2006 at 0:04

    Hello! Thanks so much for stopping by my blog. I thought The Ring was uninspired. Agree with the others on children ghosts. Probably because I expect kids to be innocent and sweet. Stephen King’s kid vampires in ‘Salems Lot freaked me out.

  • Champ - Innocent Monster
    Feb 27, 2006 at 1:15

    This world is full of such Wonders, The onlt problem is that they can’t be passed to each other, but yet there ‘re alot more to come, may be to me, you or some one we really know. *Smiles*

    God bless you….

  • divinecalm
    Feb 27, 2006 at 2:25

    I sure can relate!

  • Jeff
    Feb 27, 2006 at 4:12

    “She’s four and from Virginia. She speaks with an almost-English accent and has been known to discuss Condoleeza Rice and whether her transition from National Security Advisor to Secretary of State was a good one.”

    I laughed out loud when I read this. I could just picture a four-year-old saying this! hehe

  • shesawriter
    Feb 27, 2006 at 4:23

    The scariest child ghost movie I’ve seen was a movie called The Devil’s Backboen. I *think* it was out of Spain, but I’m not sure.

    Tanya

  • robin
    Feb 27, 2006 at 21:17

    You are absolutely right..kids are freakin terrifying. I also realized that “Giant Baby” is one of the horrors in the basement in 13 Ghosts (another stupid but really scary movie)

  • David
    Feb 27, 2006 at 21:55

    Omg…that is scary. You should totally kidnap the kid and force her to eat nothing but candy and sweets and then have her sit in front of mind-rotting television. You know, so she could be normal?

  • Buffy
    Feb 27, 2006 at 23:14

    Omg…that is scary. You should totally kidnap the kid and force her to eat nothing but candy and sweets and then have her sit in front of mind-rotting television. You know, so she could be normal?

    She watches TV all the time. Dora the Explorer. Monsters Inc. She thinks TV is funny and is full of ‘really good imaginary things’. She sits in front of it with her mother’s med books and studies the tendons and muscles of the body and wonders “why can I not find the name for the empty space on either side of the Achilles tendon, mummy.”

  • Amra
    Feb 28, 2006 at 4:52

    Another kid scary movie is Dark Water (again a remake of the Japanese guy who wrote The Ring). In these two movies the theme seems to be the desire for a mother’s love, perhaps a Freudian play on the way children devour their mother’s lives. Now that’s scary (as someone who has your desire to sit on eggs and hatch them-at least I hope that’s what you were referring to).

  • Lucy
    Feb 28, 2006 at 8:44

    Oh good God both The Ring and The Grudge terrified me beyond belief, and I can’t even pinpoint why.

    But the 4 year probably scares me more 🙂

    And I’m with you, I’ll either end up with a child just like her, or like Calvin from Calvin and Hobbs.

  • Merteuil
    Feb 28, 2006 at 16:47

    I have a friend who’s son looks and sounds exactly like the kid from Pet Cemetary. I can’t be in a room alone with him. Scares the crap outta me! Yet, I have this funny feeling that your Gabby might be even scarier, hehe. 😉

  • David
    Feb 28, 2006 at 19:51

    She says TV is filled with ‘really good imaginary things’? OMG…I feel like such a bonehead. I remember being 7 and thinking Barney the Dinosaur was an actual toy that came to life…

  • LisaBinDaCity
    Feb 28, 2006 at 20:49

    Try renting the film version of “The Bad Seed.” That kid scares me to death!

  • joe
    Mar 1, 2006 at 4:05

    Evil adults behave like children – each is lord of the flies.

  • Miss Jay
    Mar 1, 2006 at 16:22

    I prefer:

    Kids are scary.
    End sentence.
    No brooding.

  • Jasika
    Mar 1, 2006 at 17:06

    Oh my God..this was so funny. I was just having this discussion the other day. Something about children, esp in horror movies…its just…WRONG!!!

    Have you seen Hide and Seek? Dakota Fanning (although I love her) may possibly be the creepiest child in the world..like there are a billion things going on in her head that she shouldnt know .

  • ms bees knees
    Mar 1, 2006 at 22:21

    children terrify me. cover them with blood and have them holding a dead puppy and i’m [beep!] my pants. literally.

  • hattigrace
    Mar 2, 2006 at 13:54

    Until they are yours. Then your heart turns to mush and even their most evil deeds, you still can see “the good” in them!!

    I agree w/ Joe about evil adults behaving like children. That is even more scary!

    How have ya been doing?

  • MoeThatsMe
    Mar 8, 2006 at 23:01

    Kids = Scary

    Wish I’d had that formula before I had them. They’re almost grown, and would not have wanted to miss out on any of it, well most of their growing up.. but when my youngest started talking grandkids – now that’s scary!! She’s 17 – but was thinking when she’s 25.. not ready now, not sure I’ll be ready then either.

    Kids = Scary
    Grandkids = OMG Scary

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