stuck in lodi again

Reggie’s on day 86 of nothing special. He’s stuck in Lodi again.

I’m on day 3 of the Michael Thurmond 6 Week Body Makeover. You know the Bicep Buddhist on Extreme Makeover who tries to get at what the lipo didn’t? Rumour on the fat boards is this miracle makeover knocks 30 pounds off in six weeks…… or……….wait for it……..your money back. Courtesy Provida.

For the curious reader, there are five simple rules. No fat. No salt. No sugar. No wheat. No dairy. It doesn’t say anything about wine but I’m assuming that’s off the menu too. You also have to eat every 2 to 3 hours.

Now, I’m not some rookie dieter. I’ve been at it for years. Nothing knocks off 30 pounds in 6 weeks except maybe a scalpel and a few suction tubes. But, in the lead up to the pigfest that is the holiday season, a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. Also I’m tired of always wanting to fit into those jeans. Skinny jeans No.1 have now dry rotted. I’ve given up ever being 105 pounds again. No.2, a good size and a half larger, are now the gold standard. I’ll get there if it kills me.

My mother thinks I’m crazy. She would. The woman weighed 126 pounds when she was nine months pregnant – with twins. But I know better. I know it’s never good to feel awful. It’s always better to feel fit and fabulous. Nothing tastes as good as thin feels. It’s the truth. If you don’t believe it you’re either fat or ugly. That’s the truth too. Thin is a fabulous floating on air feeling. Fat is a stuck-in-a-rut-and-i-cant-get-out- so-i-might-as-well-puddle feeling.

I don’t like stuck. And I won’t settle for it. See ya Reggie.

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