{"id":5421,"date":"2013-08-28T18:31:21","date_gmt":"2013-08-28T18:31:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.buffyholt.com\/blog\/?p=5421"},"modified":"2017-03-30T21:08:15","modified_gmt":"2017-03-30T21:08:15","slug":"claw-marks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.buffyholt.com\/blog\/2013\/08\/28\/claw-marks\/","title":{"rendered":"claw marks"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.buffyholt.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/ClawMarks.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.buffyholt.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/ClawMarks.jpg\" alt=\"\" title=\"ClawMarks\" width=\"700\" height=\"465\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-5430\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.buffyholt.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/ClawMarks.jpg 800w, https:\/\/www.buffyholt.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/ClawMarks-300x199.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.buffyholt.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/ClawMarks-100x65.jpg 100w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 700px) 100vw, 700px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><em>Everything I&#8217;ve ever let go of in life, had claw marks on it.<\/em>  I even hold on to my breath longer than I should. It leaves me in ragged little strips.  Shredded up by my insides and the knowledge that once it&#8217;s gone, I&#8217;ll never get it back.  <\/p>\n<p>That scares me. <\/p>\n<p>And that, right there, that&#8217;s the crux of the whole thing. That&#8217;s what it&#8217;s all about. It&#8217;s not about greed, or need.  Sometimes it&#8217;s not even about loss, or the thing, itself.  What it&#8217;s about, what it&#8217;s always about, is fear.  Fear of surrender. Fear of regret. Fear of just how far I may flounder with nothing to hold on <em>to<\/em>.  <\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m just plain scared. <\/p>\n<p>But what I know, even though I pretend like I don&#8217;t, is that fear is usually a liar.  An Alice in Wonderland delusion. Shattering that delusion is hard for me.  I want to grab hold and shake it.  Turn it on its head.  Rattle it around.  Have a conversation with it.  Anything to keep hold of it.  Because if I don&#8217;t hold it, it holds me.   <\/p>\n<p>Except, that&#8217;s not the way it works.  That&#8217;s just the way I think it works.  And I think wrong, all the time. <\/p>\n<!-- AddThis Advanced Settings generic via filter on the_content --><!-- AddThis Share Buttons generic via filter on the_content -->","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Everything I&#8217;ve ever let go of in life, had claw marks on it. I even hold on to my breath longer than I should. It leaves me in ragged little strips. Shredded up by my insides and the knowledge that once it&#8217;s gone, I&#8217;ll never get it back. That scares me. And that, right there,<!-- AddThis Advanced Settings generic via filter on get_the_excerpt --><!-- AddThis Share Buttons generic via filter on get_the_excerpt --><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5430,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5421","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-hum-drum"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.buffyholt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5421","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.buffyholt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.buffyholt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.buffyholt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.buffyholt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5421"}],"version-history":[{"count":21,"href":"https:\/\/www.buffyholt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5421\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6154,"href":"https:\/\/www.buffyholt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5421\/revisions\/6154"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.buffyholt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5430"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.buffyholt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5421"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.buffyholt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5421"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.buffyholt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5421"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}