and in the end, despair


“If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.” – C.S. Lewis

Yesterday was the first day I ever thought it. Something horrible.

She knew. She must have known.

We never spoke about it. Just didn’t seem the thing. Out of respect? That’s what we told ourselves. Denial? Some of us did that too. We never said its name.

But maybe she wanted to. Maybe she needed to. Maybe we were the ones who couldn’t cope so we told ourselves she couldn’t either.

Where’s the comfort in that?

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