my sister is jack handey
On Romance:
My instant messenger just popped up with a note that says ‘Add Me’. I don’t know what it means. But it sounds dirty.
So he says “But you’ve (bungee) jumped with me before” and I say “Yeah, but I’m married to you now. I don’t have to do stupid things to impress you anymore.”
I use to have one of Jon Bon Jovi’s videos Tivoed. Watched it every morning. Then the husband got ticked off and said I was just using it to get in the mood – so I had to delete it.
On Pregnancy:
I know you’re dreading the whole birthing-process. Labor and all that. But don’t . Honestly. By the time you carry a baby for nine months, you’ll be begging them to take it out.
Pregnancy’s a funny thing. With your first everything is so new and exciting. The anticipation of what ‘might be’ is just…incredible. With the second, you already know. So it’s all ‘I’ve created a life. I’m a creator’. By the third one you’re just like…I get it already! Can we please have the baby now.
On Family:
Our brother use to read romance novels. That’s a rumor I’m thinking about starting.
She was convinced he’d never leave her. Seriously. Why else would she introduce him to the family.
On Intellect:
Eating fish and reading big-worded books should help. That and Zoloft.
I’m not saying he’s stupid. But he looks like he might be.
On Fitness:
Yeah. Whatever. I can’t run. I’ve had three kids. My bladder will fall out.
So some people think I’m fit because I wear a size 2. What some people don’t know…is that I’m a midget!
On Me:
She has this uncanny ability to brainwash her little sister. Honestly. She’s just like you.
Sometimes I listen to the voice mails you leave – and they’re so long – I start to answer you back.
17 Responses to “my sister is jack handey”
OMG that bungee jumping thing is the funniest thing I’ve ever read. And so true!!! The things we do for love.
Is this the same sister you had the dead pet conversation with?
omg! i am reading this and laughing my butt off!!seriously! i loved this!! i can so see her saying this!! i miss her!
I heart your sister.
Hi Buffy,
Thanks for dropping by my blog and left a comment.
I´m glad you liked Johnny Cash and in special, that song. It´s really impressive song!
I´ve linked your blog from mine so, I keep on reading you.
See you!
Your sister sounds hilarious!
Thanks for stopping by Life of ‘Pie today, too!
Thanks for the sweet comment on my blog.
I came over just to say hi and check you out. I started reading you and thought, this woman is nuts. Then I read a little more and saw the cleverness in your writing. Now, I think I am hooked. I don’t understand all of what you say and sometimes your posts are way over my head but there is something in them that make me want to know you more. I am so adding you to my reading list.
Oh, and the fact that Elizabeth I is one of your favorite historical figures…well, that just makes me like you even more. She was the most amazing woman (along with her Mother). I could go on and on about her.
I can’t wait to come back.
I just spent about an hour going thru your archives and holy shit, you are an amazing writer. I don’t know if all these stories are true or if they’re stuff you’re working on, but either way, they’re fantastic. I hope it’s ok that I’ve added you to my blog roll.
LOL on this one… my favorite
I’m not saying he’s stupid. But he looks like he might be.
I should start saying that more often!!! Kudos to your sister!
Humor and a skilled pen run in the family, huh? Amen to all you said in your comment!!
I like the Jack Handey reference. If you’re going to pay homage to something, it might as well be one of the classics.
I think you might be a little bit mad, but I mean that as a compliment and I hope you’ll sit by me.
Nice post.
I never thought to keep a Bon Jovi video on hand like that. Wow.
for me, a Tenacious D video would work.
I know what you mean Dawn.
There’s just something about that Kyle.
I like your sister! Let’s trade.
aren’t sisters just the best? they really keep you on your toes. their witty banter and biting remarks and all.