My mom used to say I looked like a black widow spider. She had no idea how much that hurt me (at least I don’t think she did). I was called “slat legs” (like my dad) because we were both painfully skinny.

I think we just have to say “Father, forgive them” and get on with life. I’m sorry Buffy.

You look to be a normal, non-overweight, child. People say cruel things, it’s cruel. Too bad you were an innocent recipient.

Families can do some damage. Mine made me feel self conscious about what I had to say, constantly poking fun – that it was inevitably easier to keep quiet.

Buffy, thanks for writing something so honest. Adults don’t realize how cruel they can be to children. As a 10-year-old, I was decidedly freakish. I, too, had chipmunk cheeks, but I had the height of a six-year-old (scarcely over four feet) even though I had boobs and braces. Adults who looked at me must have thought, “So, what exactly ARE you, creepy child?”

No, Buffy. I respectfully disagree with you. Though I have never met you, based on the pictures you have included of yourself here, I would say you look pretty. Pretty with a nice figure, but please, lets not tell my fiancee I said so.

I can’t say I know how you feel because my parents never said anything like that to me. Perhaps you’re mom should have reassured you and said that he didn’t know what he was talking about. A perfect example of what not to do.

Kids grow up. They just need to learn to get over the things that bothered them when they were young. You are a handsome looking woman.

I’m so sorry your father did that to you. Sometimes I really thing that in order to be parents we should be required to take a class and a test.

When I met my DH he would show me pictures of his family and tell me that his mother was fat…but yet his father was the same size and when I mentioned that, he argued with me. I later learned that growing up his father would get after his sisters for being fat…did this keep them from being overweight??? NO. In fact both sisters still to this day have issues with weight and food.
DH said things to me when I was pregnant and after. I got mad at him instead of worrying about my size. So I’m trying very hard to make sure that DD doesn’t get poor body images from me or DH. I’m breaking this cycle, no matter what it takes.

I hope you can to…because your father was WRONG!

Is that it BuffyHolt after 62 “I,m impressed” comments, you thought you were fat. I thought you might have some bodies hidden away or rob a bank or something LOL

Steve, I agree with what you said about getting over childhood hurts and Terry, I know you were just joking, but I knew Buffy’s father. He was not a kind man and she is being very generous in just outing him for calling her fat. I expected this post to be much worse, because I know it could have been. I hope I haven’t crossed the line Buffy.

A fan from WV.

My father used to call me ‘Big Belly Ben’. I barely even noticed & didn’t grow up thinking I was fat. If anything, I was overconfident. He also called my sister ‘Fat Sasser’. She took it to heart & has suffered with severe eating disorders since the 6th grade. I really think it depends on how each individual internalizes & processes information to construct beliefs about themselves. To my father’s credit, he has helped my sister get counseling & treatment. Last week, he & I were discussing a book he is reading to help understand body image & eating disorders.

Even at my fattest, I loved being naked and it was NOT pretty. Read: thunderthighs, three rolls of bellyfat, dimpled cherub buttcheeks, stretch marked arms & hips. I could go on & on with the physical flaws, but it doesn’t matter. My now husband recently commented on my fat stage & said that my confidence was & is the sexiest thing about me. Confidence. It is THAT easy to be sexy. Who knew!

Men can be plonkers. Fathers included.

Marina – Lovely words. Thank you.

Steve – You sound like the European I was talking about. “Self absorption” he tells me. “Get over it.”

Now Terry – I’m hardly likely to confess to any latent maniacal tendencies here on the blog. And we all know how it would turn out if I were to exercise my Marxist right to helping out that wonderful redistribution of wealth plan (i.e. steal from the rich to give to ME). But if it helps, here’s something else. If you really knew me, you would know, I have feet like Bilbo Baggins. Read: Feet like a Hobbit. Sans hair. Of course.

AG – Anyone I know?

Cristi – I long for that kind of confidence.

And Clare – I just had an Only Fools and Horses Flashback.

Special delivery with another comment for you!

Buffy, you do generally hit close to home with your posts .. but this one – oh, ouch .. you hit it right on the head. My entire life people (family) have told me that I was chubby/hefty/hardy .. the nicknames were along the lines of Jello and other jiggly substances. Now as the mom of 4 girls, I struggle to make sure that they don’t grow up w/the same issues. And none of them weighed ‘only’ 72 lbs at 10 (more like 92 or so ..)
I could go on and on, but this is your space. I’ll just say that I can so completely understand .. and soo appreciate you being so open.

Only teaseing and I didn,t confess to anything and I have been a really naught boy IN life.
Brilliant blog.

I’m touched that you brought out your deepest feelings about yourself so well.These ‘labels’ that adults utter without even thinking,leave deep impressions.I saw your picture (the one with your friend) and no way you can be called fat.

That’s terrible Buffy. I had a friend in high school who’s mother call her fat and lazy. She really took it to heart and almost died from an eating disorder later. I know she was an adult and as an adult was responsible for her own actions but lets not forget that children internalize who they are and their base views of the world by the time they are seven years old. SEVEN. It often takes a lifetime to undo the damage caused in those few years.

My father was verbally abusive. Emotionally and verbally abusive. I didn’t realize how low he stooped until I had my own children. I couldn’t imagine saying anything so cruel or so childish to an innocent child especially my own. I’m sorry for you. Thank you for sharing.

It is ALWAYS the fathers that have themost impact on daughters–I really believe that. I think women spend most of the time making decisions based on information that came from out fathers. I thank God that mine was so solid and strong–I feel like my life fight isn’t as brutal as other people. You have found your outlet and deserved validation, though, some people make the worst decisions in life trying to find both.

Just stopped by for your exercising for comments today.

I really think parents have no idea how wounding their words can be to young children.

It never ceases to amaze me what kind of damage parents can inflict upon their children in the name of love … I’m sorry you had to go through that. Thanks for commenting on my blog – may I link you?
Coco

I hope you’re now smart enough to know how wrong a certain dark headed man was…and how pretty you really are!!!
much love buffers

My sister and every other family member called me fat. Well not my parents but they strongly encouraged my diets

Recently my sister and I were looking at a dress that I got in Mexico the summer I turned 16, and my wedding dress a few years later–they would be today’s size 7-8.
A year or so later, my father told me that I was sickly looking

I still don’t measure good or bad years by accomplishment but by clothes size

Thank you Buffy that was wonderful—and I think you’re incredibly pretty.

I hate to sound like a sorority girl here, but Oh My God, I am so going to do this.

I have a 4 hour flight tomorrow. Maybe this little exercise will take my mind off of all those ridiculous Discovery Channel shows I have seen detailing why and how planes crash.

Pray for me!

DT

Hi Buffy,
Thanks for dropping by my blog! I’ve enjoyed yours immensely. I’ve read a bit while I was here. I’ll be back!

I’m so sorry your dad made you think you were fat. I don’t think you were or that you have chipmunk cheeks at all! I think you are adorable – then and now! Everyone has a wacky family, but your dad may just take the cake!! Someone should have told him to keep his opinions to himself!

You are gorgeous, honey!!
xo
LBC

*hug*
Buffy I think I can understand, my parents have called me fat my whole life regardless of what I weighed. Regardless of what you actually look like I think you do internalize and believe things you heard endlessly in your childhood…just more baggage as an adult. I hope all the parents and parents to be out there never call their children fat, it doesn’t help and does more emotional damage than one can imagine.

Adults who try to make themselves feel better by belittling children really make me angry.

Wow, your dad was really off the mark with those comments. You look like a perfectly fit child in that picture!

I’m sorry you had to go through that with your parents. Sometimes they say the dumbest things. Being older doesn’t always mean being smarter.

Wow…you are brave to put this out there like that and risk negative comments. My dad is still kind of like this, and I’m 42. I think he just doesn’t realize what he says is so hurtful. He is very supportive in other ways, but I think he thinks that if he says negative things about my weight ‘jokingly’ it will make me more determined to get my weight down. Negative reinforcement? But to say that to a child…that is awful!

more comments for you.

Hello! Dropping off another comment for you!

My dad once told me I was getting as big as a house. I was 135lbs. I’m 5’10. But even at my lowest 128lbs I thought I was a cow.

He should have been bitch-slapped up the side of the face!
Amazing how often parents are sadists.
You are lucious, now. You were sweet and NORMAL – maybe even on the dainty side then.

You already know what I have to say about this and how I feel.
So I just want to say that you are a lovely, strong, intelligent, and beautiful person.
I send my best to you.
Thanks for your supportive words and I hope I can offer mine to you anytime.

Kristy

Families can do so much damage and they never seem to realize the impact they have – not just on the child we were but on the adult we grow into.

You looked like a beautiful child to me.

In that childhood picture, you look completely slim– but whether you were chubby, slim, or average sized, it would be wrong for your father to speak to you like that. Boooo!

I know how that goes. My mother (dad wouldn’t stand for it) let my sister call me Thunder Thighs and several other horrible nicknames for years. To this day, they see it as harmless teasing because I wasn’t really fat. I didn’t know that. I thought I was. People never realize the damage they can do to a child and how it can follow that child into adulthood. Then everyone wants to wonder why little girls have eating disorders. This is why.
You were an adorable child and even if you weren’t, all of that name calling was totally uncalled for.

Buffy: You should not even give him the satisfaction to think that you still have him in your mind! People like that feed on other people’s pain because they do not have the courage to ever improve themselves; they think it is macho or tough to pick on children and make their lives miserable. They are afraid of risk and afraid of life in general and don’t know how to really live it. They have that “backwoods” approach to life, their “own way” of doing things. They never learn, they do what their parents did, their grandparents did, and so on and so on. They go through life acting as if they have never done wrong,they don’t even try to justify their actions! Don’t you waste another second, go on to greater things. Forget the “little” man. If he never regrets the things he did to you, he will be the one to reap the most of the hurt from them in the end. I love ya and I love reading your work.

[...] Aha….Vindication at last. Now, if I could just go back in time, and counter all those fat head jokes. No Comments so far Leave a comment RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI Leave a comment Line and paragraph breaks automatic, e-mail address never displayed, HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong> [...]

Ahhh. How this brings back memories of my own “fat” history. My mom and many others after her would say…”It’s not my fault your fat.” No it wasn’t their fault I felt bad about myself either…or maybe it was.