10 things

Ten things I’ve told my mother since moving abroad.

1. No, you can’t send me a gun. Guns are illegal. Nope. Not even a little one. Knives are illegal too. Pepperspray – still illegal.

2. Quit moaning. I haven’t paid less than $6.00 a gallon for gas (It’s now $13.) since I’ve been here. It’s $8 (Make that $17) on the Continent.

3. The Queen of England is also the Queen of Canada and Australia. No I’m not making it up.

4. So, I went to Paris yesterday. For lunch. Yup. Just because.

5. A guy tried to mug me this afternoon. Broad daylight. I sucker punched him in the face with my mobile and ran.

6. The building I live in is almost as old as America. And it doesn’t even have a plaque on it.

7. I know you like your spoon. But eating with a knife and fork is just so much easier.

8. See. Three cheeseburgers and three cokes. Ninety dollars. And you thought I was exaggerating.

9. I kissed an entire rugby team today. It’s just like, what these Europeans do!

10. No, my flatmate isn’t American. She’s Northern Irish. Really. No. No. Now, how can she be Appalachian if she’s not American?

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  • Scarlet
    Apr 19, 2006 at 13:59

    Haha, Hilarious! I wish I could jaunt over to another city for lunch. DC doesn’t sound as exciting as Paris.

  • bornfool
    Apr 19, 2006 at 16:34

    Sucker punched him in the face? Good for you.

  • Bonnie
    Apr 19, 2006 at 17:00

    Sometimes less is not more!

    For example, I need to know less about Paris and gas and spoons and more about your sucker punch technique and how you kissed the rugby team.

    Especially if I was your mom!

  • Amy
    Apr 20, 2006 at 0:45

    I am having a bit of jealousy right now. Only a bit, because I’d love to go to Paris just for lunch. When I was there, we had to stay a week.

    Although, I’ve only kissed a couple rugby players, never a whole team.

  • Monica
    Apr 20, 2006 at 2:24

    Hallo! Monica Black olives…. just stoppin by to say HI!!

  • hattigrace
    Apr 20, 2006 at 3:41

    I love it. Wouldn’t understand it w/o my trip there. Loved #6!! US is an adolescent nation and does not know it. We act like spoiled brats who have run away from home. I think every US citizen should be required to go to Europe just once. I think we would grow up and grow grateful and grow tolerant.

  • kerri anne
    Apr 20, 2006 at 4:03

    My boss at work calls everything west of the Columbia River “Appalachia.”

    Loved number 3. And I really hope 5 is true, because that would be AWESOME. The sucker punching part, not the attempted mugging part.

  • Jodi
    Apr 20, 2006 at 13:07

    Thanks for your comment. Are you British or American? I gather (I’ll read more posts and maybe answer my own stupid question) you are American. Do you live there? Any job openings? Boyfriend and I would LOVE to get out of the states but not sure how! Would love luncheon in Paris just because. The best I can do here is jaunt over to Pittsburgh, how pathetic is that!
    P.S. was NOT in the zone last night, was too tired 😉

  • Jodi
    Apr 20, 2006 at 13:33

    ok, i answered my questions. great blog! i’ve linked you on mine so i can remember to read more!

  • Katrina
    Apr 20, 2006 at 17:24

    Dude, you are living my DREAM – Thanks for the comment – I am SO reading your blog from now on!
    Seriously – England – I would die!

  • Divine Calm
    Apr 20, 2006 at 19:06

    Hilarious. We Americans are so myopic.

  • Dawn (webmiztris)
    Apr 20, 2006 at 19:24

    regarding #5, did you learn that move by watching Naomi Campbell? 😉

  • Amy
    Apr 20, 2006 at 20:08

    Thanks for stopping by my little blog. I’m intrigued by what I’ve read on yours so far. And, completely jealous that you live across the pond. To be so close to Ireland & Scotland & accents. Yum!

  • Felix
    Apr 20, 2006 at 20:25

    Great list, wonderful writing, awesome blog. Are you living permanently in England? Any thoughts or chance of you moving back to the US?

  • mamakraft
    Apr 21, 2006 at 4:55

    I am surprised that your mother hasn’t moved in with you yet. You made me gasp when I read about the mugger … I am worried for you and I haven’t ever met you! :o) Stay safe! mamakraft

  • Oob
    Apr 21, 2006 at 11:08

    Ha! Loved it.

  • Sarah
    Apr 21, 2006 at 13:01

    Thanks for your comments on my blog! I look forward to reading more of yours.

  • Dennie
    Apr 21, 2006 at 13:31

    I kissed an entire rugby team today. It’s just like, what these English people do!

    I like this one – I may have to find me a Rugby game – LOL 🙂

  • HBH
    Apr 21, 2006 at 16:13

    I’d like to kiss an entire rugby team.

  • Bre
    Apr 21, 2006 at 22:46

    I make it my goal to kiss as many rugby players as possible as often as possible. Being a former rugger myself, it works out pretty nicely for me 😉

  • Irene
    Apr 22, 2006 at 2:09

    Your living my dream! Kiss as manu rugby players as you can.

  • Rusty
    Apr 22, 2006 at 4:55

    I don’t know, living close to the Appalachians has me questioning your last statement. I’ve met plenty of them – and questioned their nationality all the same.

  • David
    Apr 23, 2006 at 0:05

    1. Is mase really illegal? I wonder why?
    2. $6?! No wonder most Europeans look so thin…they walk!
    3. Man, I wish I were King…just for the title, you know?
    4. Is it really that close?
    5. Bet you wish you had that bottle of mase, now, huh?
    6. WOW…that’s amazing! Living in such classic architecture…does it give you goosebumps, just thinking of the history the building must’ve seen?
    7. What about for ice cream and soup?
    8. OMG…were they famous cows or what?
    9. Buffy does Rugby, eh?
    10. I’m wondering…what’s the difference between a flat and an apartment? Or is it just the same thing, different words?

  • Buffy
    Apr 23, 2006 at 7:52

    Hattie – Absolutely. I agree. Everyone should visit Europe at least once.

    Kerri Anne – #5. True.

    Felix – I’ve been living in Europe for 8 years.

    Mama – I spent years researching victimology. I’m obsessively safe. (At least I try to be.)

    Dawn – Naomi and I have nothing on the sister. She has a mad ‘cross face chicken wing’ that can lay you flat. But you have to be below 6 foot or she cant reach your neck. (Long story)

    Amy – One of the best things about living in England is that you’re so close to other amazing countries.

    Dennie, HBH – Nothing like a Rugby team to ease you into a new culture.

    David – You’re hilarious. Flat/Apartment…yup. Same thing.

  • LisaBinDaCity
    Apr 23, 2006 at 10:30

    Paris for lunch just because.


    That sounds awesome.

  • Pauly D
    Apr 23, 2006 at 23:31

    When you say you “kissed an entire rugby team” what do you really mean by that?

    Because I once knew a girl who said she kissed an entire rugby team and then had to worry about which rugby player was the father of her child — and that was sort of a nightmare if I may be so candid.

  • Grant
    Apr 24, 2006 at 1:37


    This list is hilarious. I can almost hear the awe and consternation in your mother’s voice.

    $90 for hamburgers and cokes? I hope the word Kobe was at the front of that description. If it wasn’t, you might as well start importing cows directly from Texas and open up a butcher’s shop instead.

  • Buffy
    Apr 24, 2006 at 5:32


    No such worries for me. I’m all kinds of nice and proper.

    Candid suits you sir.


  • Liz
    Apr 24, 2006 at 12:00

    Go you for punching a mugger!!! You’ve got more balls than any guy out there.

  • Elaine
    Apr 24, 2006 at 18:00

    I loved this post! Paris for lunch, punching a would-be mugger in the face – sounds amazing!

  • Jane
    Apr 24, 2006 at 21:06

    Thanks you for visiting my blog. It is very nice to meet you. I am loving getting to meet people from around the world. I enjoyed my visit here too!

  • carmen
    Apr 24, 2006 at 22:23

    Thanks for visiting the blog. Always nice to get comments from new people. 🙂

    When I was in Australia a few months ago, I was in Cairnes and was stung by a jellyfish. I was scared to go back in the water, and told the lifeguard “this whole country can kill me”. The English bloke standing next to me (who now lived in Sydney) “We don’t carry guns, so your country is far more dangerous!”
    I so commend you for living abroad. I’m trying to get up the courage to try to live in Europe for a year or so. Maybe Paris (I can pass with my French.)

    Stop by again soon!

  • allison
    Apr 25, 2006 at 19:47

    I need to move over there. You make even the bad shit sound cool.

  • continuitygirl
    Apr 27, 2006 at 20:42

    So Funny and So True

  • Furtheron
    Apr 28, 2006 at 13:04

    Very funny. Not sure apartment and flat are same thing? I think of apartment as big airy looking out over down town Manhatten. Flat is small pokey and overlooking the rear of a Chinese take away.

    Where were you when I played rugby 🙂

    From where I work I could drive about 10 mins get out look out from the cliff and see France on a clear day. Sometimes we “pop” over after work for a meal in Calais on Le Shuttle.

    You’re so lucky living with someone from Ireland – great people. Reminds me we must visit my wife’s friend in Donegal – absolutely wonderful place – middle of absolutely nowhere!

  • Buffy
    Apr 28, 2006 at 21:18


    The Flat was actually a four bedroom house. Maybe I should have said housemate?? 🙂

    Old habits and all that….

    And yes, the Irish are fabulous.

  • Maria
    Apr 28, 2006 at 22:40

    I love that you sucker punched a mugger. Kudos to you.

  • Mary
    Apr 29, 2006 at 18:13

    I have dreams of moving over there one day.
    I think it is from watching Harry Potter so often.

  • Al
    Apr 29, 2006 at 18:58

    There’s an historic link between the Northern Irish and Appalachia that you may be aware of. The “Scotch-Irish” or “Ulster Scots” left the English Plantations of Northern Ireland for the New World after being hammered between the English and the Irish for several generations. They made up the largest group of white pioneers in the New World, and they became a solid core of revolutionaries against King George. A good many of them settled in the Appalachians. One of them was an ancestor of mine. Your housemate and I could be distant cousins for all we know.

  • Sweety
    May 1, 2006 at 16:58

    LOL! SO true about the gas prices :((

  • Nichole
    Jul 3, 2006 at 13:38

    “How can she be Appalachian if she isn’t American?” Definately sounds like something I would have to say to my grandma.

    Thank you for reading my blog! I was surprised, to say the least. And you’re from WV, which puts extra icing on the cake! I thought you might be as I was reading some of your fiction…especially “Meet Dewey.”

    How sad is it that the first gift my ex-boyfriend gave me was an Oldtimer? Pretty sad, right? A girl never knows when she might need to stab something!

  • kate
    Jul 20, 2007 at 13:26

    Lol. How did you come to be able to spend so much time there? Work visa? Most I could get was 3 months! Unless I wanted to get married (which would require a divorse first! lol)